To be in love, to be in lust.... or not?

Did Shakespeare really know what he was talking about when he said, "to be or not to be?" Is it really the question? I don't like to discuss my relationships. I am not a "Facebook," Twitter, Instagram relationship share type of girl. I date, I have dated and I have seen rings in my life. Feelings can be difficult for me sometimes. It is hard when you just want to do what you want to do but you have to realize that there is a MAN out there that wants to be with me and I sometimes push people away with a crabby ass attitude and my reluctant ability to actually want to get to know people in general. Some days I feel and some days I do not. I was in a few relationships and I can think of my happiest one even though in a way it wasn't a good one. There was happiness though. Laughter, fun, doing the craziest things. Being together and just smiling when he called.

I sound all sappy now. I some times come off like I don't care at all but part of me does. I grew up with the coolest rolling stone of a mom and my father... Well if you want to talk about the real "American Gigolo" as my mom refers to him, he dated the alphabet. (My runaround mom did too though.) I guess two equal players with one being one step ahead (my mom for $500 Alex!) cannot really co-exist together unless they are running a brothel? I try to keep learning about people, about men about what I want. I was always around adults and some days I feel like I had to always be an adult. I have all these feelings and things I want to just write and it is going to be hard but it needs to be done.